god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize