i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize