im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
