I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
