Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
