You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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