Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
