I accidentally had phone sex last night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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