Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
