just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you guys were way drunker than both of me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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