woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
