god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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