I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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