Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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