I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
