i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
