I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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