My Higher Power is John Stamos
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
