well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
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