my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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