the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
