you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
