I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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