I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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