I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
