that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
