she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
