After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
