So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
