That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
