Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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