Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
