I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
