It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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