my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
