how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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