He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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