She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
