You don't have asthma, your pregnant
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
