I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
