i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
zippers are such a cool invention
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
