He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
