If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize