The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
