oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
