I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
