I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
