He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I need moral support for this bender
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
