ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize