I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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