people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
