I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
