my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
