i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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