theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize