i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
