I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
