my phone needs a breathalizer
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
