Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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