haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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