I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
