You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
