apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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