I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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