filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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