is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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