So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize