Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
