I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
