1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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