I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
