Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
