It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so let's talk penis.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
