is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
