I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
